Remember the winter of 2020 when the world stood still and was changed forever? This exact thing happened to me, but it wasn't because of Covid. I had Ovarian cancer. I didn't know it then, but I had it. I didn't find out until I had an ultrasound done. It confirmed my fears that something was wrong. Turns out Ovarian cancer is the deadliest of the gynecological cancers. I had surgery to remove 2 tumors - one the size of a cantaloupe and one the size of an egg. Afterwards, my life just kind of just continued without much change except that I felt a tugging on my heart from God to return to my childhood faith.
I was brought up Christian but walked away from the church as a young teen. As an adult, I found spirituality instead. When I was faced with breast cancer in 2010, I worked on healing myself (so I thought) and worked with positive thinking, affirmations, visualizations and releasing anger. I thought that this is what healed me, but I know now that it was God. Jesus never leaves you once you accept him into your heart. He was with me then, even though I was calling it something else, and he's with me now.
After I disembarked from Princess Cruises and Covid ended my career as part of their entertainment team, I started teaching voice lessons. During the first couple of years of doing that, I had many Christians come to me for voice lessons, and they all wanted to sing worship songs. I credit this for the further softening of my heart. God knows what you need always. He knew that it was time for me to return to him, and His timing is always perfect, so he placed in my path all the right people. A couple of them even got me going back to church.
In March 2023, I had an ovarian cancer recurrence, and this time the tumor was on the bottom side of my liver attached to my diaphragm. I felt very afraid, so I started digging into the Bible and praying for help and healing regularly. This wasn't easy in the beginning, as I always felt that I was doing it wrong and that I wasn't being heard, but again, God placed in my life all the right people. Through my church, I met a circle of the most wonderful, caring ladies and they helped me learn to feel comfortable praying. I had surgery to have it removed in August of 2023 and was scheduled to start chemo in October. Before chemo started, another recurrence was spotted, and this time I was told that I had multiple tumors in my abdomen. I was, of course, upset and afraid, but then I remembered that I no longer had to do this alone. God is always there for me. When I opened my heart to Jesus, he filled me with the Holy Spirit who is always with me. I started to ramp up my time with God. I would pray off and on all day. In the evening before bed, I would lock myself in my studio and sing worship songs, pray, cry, and read the Bible. His living word came alive to me. When I was finished one of these sessions, I literally felt like I was glowing in the dark and was light as a feather. My fear started to diminish. My faith started to grow, and my heart started to swell with so much love, more love than I've ever felt before. (Yes, it's ok to picture the Grinch here lol).
When I was practicing spirituality, I felt my emotions, and often other people's emotions, in my solar plexus area. When my love for the Lord started to grow, I felt this in the center of my chest. It's a completely different sensation. It's the most beautiful and powerful feeling I've ever felt. Whenever I think of the Lord, I am completely overcome by Him. It's so much better than I could have ever imagined or had ever experienced before. As a result of this growing relationship with the Lord, I love my husband, family, and friends more deeply. Singing even feels different when you do it to glorify the Lord. I'm just overwhelmed with how incredible and alive I feel.
I don't know what my future brings. Healing me is in God's hands, but I have complete faith that he is able and knows what is best for me. And I am happier now than I've ever been and I felt called to tell you. If you want to hear more, reach out. I'm always happy to talk about how amazing God is and how he has changed my life.
God bless you.
Corinthians 13:1-13 ESV
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.
So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love
I don't know what my future on earth brings. Healing me is God's decision, but I have complete faith that he is able. But regardless, I am happier now than I've ever been and I needed to tell you. If you want to hear more, reach out. I'm always happy to talk about how amazing God is and how he has changed my life.
But whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.”